Pride has always felt almost like a taunt. A celebration of a community to which I never fully felt like I belonged. Both a reminder of how hard we’ve had to fight for the right to exist–and how hard we’re still fighting–and a beautiful uprising of support and recognition. Everything I wanted to own and be a part of, and yet I felt silent and invisible. How could I celebrate the part of my identity (my bisexuality) that introduced so much trauma to my life (from polyam and relationship experiences)? Then, how could I celebrate the part of my identity (my gayness) that quite literally broke me down to pieces and forced me to completely start over at 32 years old?